Another work coontact from years ago!

[Wildlife Watcher]

Well kids, it's time for the next installment of "WW's coontacts from work"! (currently under licensing negotiations)

Rewind about 10 years ago... I'm called to a reconnect of service (shut off for non-pay of course) in a 6 unit apartment situated right in the center of nig-town. I knock on the door, wait, and knock again. No answer. As I am standing there filling out a "sorry I missed you" card and happy that I dodged a sure-to-be nasty dwelling the door opens and standing there is a strung-out, anemic, nasty, crack-addled she-boon, freshly awake from it's slumber... Shit... "Ah mang, dayam iss urrly but I's glad to sees you!" it slurs. Mind you, the time on my watch said 11:15 am, just before my lunch... I exclaimed something about wishing I could start my day at 11am, but trailed off, realizing what a futile attempt it was. It wasn't listening anyhow. It shuffles it's way across the linoleum floor, littered with cigarette butts, blunt stubs, empty 40 bottles and general filth, all while making a half-hearted attempt to "clean up" on the way to the utility closet where the furnace & water heater are. Boy, by comparison, the utility closet was squeaky clean. Anyhow, I do what I have to do, and as I'm working on getting the furnace fired up, it spied the gold band on my left finger. (I was married at the time, ex-wife insisted on a giant wedding band, and that I wear it at ALL times.) It ooked "ooh dayam, dats one big ass shiny rang on yo fingah!" Once hearing that, I immediately made a plan for a quick egress, in case there was a couple bucks hiding out in the other rooms waiting to beat me and rob me. It's very commonplace, to have one boon with several adult bucks living in those nests. I thank it for the compliment, but it cuts me off mid-sentence; "I ain't complimentin on yo rang, dey don't mean sheeit heeya. Wut I wants, is some of you".

Great, I've just been victimized by a muh-coochie.

Shit, now what do I do?

Hurry up, finish, and tell it that everything is in order, as I head for the door. But not before it ax's "wut time I be off wurk, and dat I needs to come back and check dat rang at the doe" because "it's gone do evurrthang to me dat yo wife won't do".

*shudder

*stomach rolls

Appetite gone, I returned to my truck, completed the paperwork and sped off. I called the now ex-wife, and told her what had just happened, she jokingly asked "what, you didn't take her up on the offer?"

Not funny ex-Mrs. WW, not funny.